I'd come to realize my place in the universe.
Today, I had killed my best friend.
I didn't use my hands. I didn't use a weapon.
He took his own life.
And I knew it was my fault.
I don't know how, but I could feel that the blame rested solely on me.
He left a note. It doesn't explain why he did it, but he mentioned my name the most. Six times he wrote my name, while his own mother only got one.
I had't been feeling right since I read the note.
I had to go somewhere. I had to just leave. I wanted to just run away and never come back.
So I did just that. Without a single word I left his parents' house and just walked down a road.
A weight started manifesting within my head.
Before I knew it, I was already at the end of the road.
So I turned and continued down the road to the left.
And walked and walked.
I was already beyond the city when night came.
I was wandering streets foreign to me.
I kept racking my brain over why he did it. What did I do?
There were no answers.
There was no relief.
I could feel the knot in my chest only growing more twisted as the minutes passed.
I found myself at a bridge.
I've seen this bridge before.
This bridge is considered evil.
Rumor has it that many people see dogs run and jump off into the waters below.
They never survive.
As my own body continued to contort. I stared into the water.
It's rushing currents became hypnotic. The waters overlapped each other, swallowing all.
My grief and guilt could be swallowed by those waters too.
Then I heard the softest rustling next to me.
And what I saw made my heart stop for a moment.
A little girl stood next to me.
She had the palest skin, with not an ounce of pigment to be found anywhere.
Her eyes were peering at me. What was normally the whites of the eyes were pitched black, and her pupils were bright white. They were big eyes, dilated so that it looks like she should be in constant awe.
I let out a scream. It's not something I normally do, but it weaseled its way out of me. I also stumbled and tripped backwards.
I already knew it was a bad move. Because now I was vulnerable. She registered as a threat in my mind and I just left myself vulnerable.
I scrambled for a grip on the floor and before I could even tell up from down I was trying to crawl away.
But when my eyes refocused, she wasn't there.
I looked right, towards the bridge, and nothing. Left towards the water. It was still there roaring.
Then I looked above me to see her freaky eyes staring down at me.
Another chill went up my spine and I reflexively pushed away from her.
And for the moment I realized she didn't pursue me. So I took a moment to study her.
But she did not move. She just looked at me with a constant frown and those furrowed eyebrows that seem to express disappointment.
I was able to get a better look at her.
She seemed half human and half alien with the way her eyes and skin appeared.
She had a long ivory cloak surrounding and hiding her body. She couldn't have been more than four feet tall.
Her hair took up much volume around her head. Curling into a black poof.
"W-what are you?!" I spoke, stammering.
She opened her mouth, and out came a short note. Like a unison of flutes harmonizing, before she closed her mouth again.
She looked down as if she was thinking about something.
After a moment she spoke actual words, though in a very different voice. Her voice was singular now, lower and accented with this raspy buzz as you'd hear someone have when they speak through an old radio.
"I came to save you," is all she said.
Her face and her voice make it feel like she was simply saying something scripted, with no emotion behind it.
"What?" I was confused. "That's not what I said. What are you?"
She looked down again. A strange confusion riddled her own off-putting face.
Then she retorted, as if ignoring my question. "You were going to jump off of that bridge. I came here to save you."
"Huh?" I couldn't process what she was saying. How would she know that?
I regained myself "No, no! This is weird. You're weird!"
She didn't change emotion whatsoever. She just stood there.
"Say something!"
She stared at me with that same scowl of indifference. Then she took steps towards me. She made no sound as she walked over.
I reflexively backed away but she continued until she was inches from my face. Her black and white eyes stared deep into mine and I felt almost threatened.
"You're important, Jonah. I can't let you jump off of that bridge." She emotionlessly remarked.
I felt strangely embarrassed. "I wasn't planning on it."
Another moment passed. Her gaze remained on me and still she said nothing.
I sigh, "Can you at least tell me your name?"
After a thought she said, "Call me Raphael."
"Your name is Raphael?"
"No," she said bluntly.
"But you told me to call you Raphael."
"Yes," again spoken bluntly.
I'm dumbfounded at this point.
"Are you an alien?" I retorted back equally bluntly.
"No"
"Are you a human?"
She looked down again before saying, "No."
"Shouldn't you be making contact with our government or something?"
"No, you're more important."
"Why me?!"
I caught her gazing away. Not far away. Her eyes darted to my left, my right, then above me, before gazing back at me.
"Is it because I killed Miguel?"
Her eyes narrowed, sending another row of shivers up my spine.
"No. It wasn't you."
"Liar!"
Her eyes remained narrowed. I felt the pressure within. The gnawing guilt.
She stepped closer. I was finding it difficult to breathe. The pain, while emotional made me want to keel over.
In these conditions, I couldn't find it in myself to step away from her anymore.
She reached out a small, delicate pale hand.
The way she outreached made it feel like she was about to cast a spell on me, and I tensed up.
What came instead was just a mere gentle holding of my cheek. In her eyes I saw something I could not understand. Behind the scowl she continued to hold was a slew of other properties. There was empathy and determination. She was on a mission that felt both personal and far beyond just her own self. Deep within was a roaring engine, and I couldn't understand what it was, but I knew no human had such a power in their eyes.
I felt wetness on my face.
She maintained her strangely complex gaze at me as my composure whittled away.
My breathing intensified as I realized I was crying.
Honesty finally found its way to my mind.
It was my fault he died. I know it. And I hated myself for it.
Regret washed over me as I gritted my teeth and sharply inhaled from the realization.
I couldn't look into her eyes anymore. I covered my face as the dams crumbled.
It was all my fault.
I screamed at that bridge knowing I'd never see my best friend again. I had no one else in the world.
I heaved through the pain. Regret kept repeating over and over.
I lamented out loud, uncaring if anyone could hear me.
My sorrow burned brightly, and as all fires do, it waned.
My sobs and hics gradually retreated.
After a while they were gone, and I was left in the ashes.
And yet. The pressure was less.

Finally I was overcome with the calm numbness you get after throwing a tantrum.
I simply sat there on my knees staring at the water. But this time I didn't have any calling towards it.
I wouldn't admit it to her but now that I was calm, I realized she was right.
There was something calling me to jump into the rapids below.
I didn't want to think about these kinds of thoughts anymore though.
I slowly turned my head to see her still standing there. She just watched me bawl my eyes out.
Despite her stubbornness in not answering me directly, I bothered to ask her another question.
"Why are you here?"
This time she gave me an actual answer.
"I am to accompany you for the foreseeable future."
"Why? Because I'll kill myself if you don't?" I said this with an attitude.
Another pause before she answered.
"Something dangerous follows you."
"It took your friend. It will take more."
That's all I needed to hear. "So it was my fault then."
I sat there letting the thought fester in my mind. "If I weren't alive he wouldn't be dead."
She didn't speak.
I covered my face in shame.
I didn't have the capacity anymore to cry or be angry. That was probably for the best.
I may have done something more violent if I had any more frustration left.
I looked up to see the gray skies begin drizzling rain.
"I'm sorry, Miguel."

I think I stood staring at that rain for an hour
Eventually I picked myself up to see Raphael sitting right next to me. She sat in such a fashion that her cloak formed a loose cone with her head sticking out at the top.
I sighed.
I didn't say anything. I just got up and started walking to a nearby town.
Without a sound she got up and followed me.
I was too tired to protest.
I checked into an inn for the night. I definitely wouldn't be able to make it back to my hometown by sundown, and I didn't really want to go back anyways.
What I found strange was that the hostess didn't even acknowledge Raphael despite the girl-alien-thing giving her an unsettling stare the entire time. Then it clicked when she confirmed that the room was for one adult.
She couldn't see Raphael.
I made my way to my room with a new stress on the mind.
I kept thinking. "Am I being haunted?"
Before I opened the door I decided I needed to directly ask her, "Are you a ghost?"
"Ghosts aren't real." She said flatly.
My irritation rose up again. "Just tell me what you are then!"
"I'm an angel." She said.
She finally said it but I still felt doubtful and said with attitude, "Like the people with halos and wings?"
"Not like that." She said in her flat corrective voice.
I didn't feel satisfied from her answer so I just became ruder. "Well Ms. Angel I hope you booked your own room because you're not allowed in here!"
I stepped behind the threshold of the door as I faced her.
"You shouldn't be left alone." She said.
"Like I care!" I closed the door and engaged all the locks.
I sighed.
I was finally alone after having her follow me for so long.
I wasn't even sure if I wanted to believe her answer.
I just decided I wanted to sleep. I was absolutely exhausted.
I changed, dropped into bed, with the images of rushing water playing in my mind as I faded into subconsciousness.

A loud cracking of wood woke me up.
It was late at night.
Something roared with a disgusting ferocity. Like liquid deep gurgling combined with the screams of a million people suffering through immense pain.
I tried to breathe, but something had its cold hand gripped around my neck.
I panicked. I was choking.
I couldn't move. I was paralyzed
Immense movement and thuds sounded out in the inn's hallways.
Three times something smashed and cracked on the wooden door with the security locks holding it together.
My heartbeat kept rising. It kept begging for more oxygen but I couldn't give it any.
My body was beginning to feel like it was burning from suffocation.
Through blurring senses, I heard one last wretched scream.
I heard the door unlock and creak open.
The burning feeling was overbearing now. I saw a fuzzy form of Raphael sit on the chair next to me.
She took another excruciatingly long moment to figure out what to do.
"You're about to die, Jonah. If you want to live. Listen well."
I had no other choice really. So I closed my watering eyes.
My body was attempting to struggle and thrash but it was perfectly constrained.
I focused on my hearing, my last, nearly clear sense.
She spoke in a voice unlike her own. A soft, beautiful high pitched voice.

"When the doves fly home.
And the sun goes to sleep.
When the skies are bright gold.
You'll know where to find me.

I'll be here.
I'll be waiting for you.
We'll walk the horizon together.
And you'll be home."

By the time she finished singing. I realized the sensation around my neck had already disappeared. I was breathing normally like nothing ever happened.
And I also realized that I was extremely tired.
She spoke in her normal voice again, "I'm going to stay here until morning."
I was too much in a tired daze to protest. "Okay," I muttered.
I heard a distant "Sleep well" before I sunk into the realm of the sleeping.
As I drifted off, I could hear a large chorus of people singing the same words Raphael sung. As if the words were spoken by the entire earth at once.